Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
