Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
