Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
