He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
