just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
