His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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