You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where is the hickey?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
