Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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