Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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