I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
