I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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