Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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