well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
