Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
