I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
