Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have fence marks all over my body
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my moral compass just broke
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