is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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