It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
