Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
