already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
