so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
