it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
