oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
