you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
