just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
