he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
