So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
