The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
