i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
