I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
