took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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