can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
