The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
