they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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