Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
