With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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