You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
