hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
