I can't watch pbs sober anymore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
