part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
