I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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