today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
