My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
