Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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