8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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