I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize