didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
