Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My breasts were aching with rage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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