I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
