Someone shit on the floor
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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