oh god the rape fog is back!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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