My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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