We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
