Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
