i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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