Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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