she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
