It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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