I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize