I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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