Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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