from now on my penis is your penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize