I'm going to jail i love you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
