at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
