sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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