pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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