Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
