We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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