my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize