O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
