i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
