somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
